RD.COM Humor Jokes
ByCaroline Fanning
Updated: May 16, 2024
Some bad jokes only deserve eye rolls and groans. But somehow, these manage to still be funny.
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Bad jokes that are actually pretty good
Ah, bad jokes. They’re little guilty pleasures we indulge in with giddy enthusiasm every chance we get. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. What’s not to love?
If you’re a sucker for a good bad joke, you’re in luck. Below, you’ll find a list of our funniest jokes that just so happen to pack groan-worthy punchlines. Enjoy!
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c–
MOO!
We had to start off this collection of bad jokes with one of the oldest knock-knock jokes in the book.
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If you’re American when you go in the bathroom…
… and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European. Check out these daily life cartoons that will crack you up.
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
Sometimes the best bad jokes are the shortest. Check out these short jokes for kids anyone can memorize.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh. Take a look at these funny tombstones that really exist.
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What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener! These funny work cartoons will help you get through the week.
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What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
…
Get it? Bad jokes don’t even need a punch line to be funny! Check out the funniest jokes on the internet.
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There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t. Check out these 25 clever jokes that’ll make you sound smart.
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Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way. These hilarious animal cartoons prove that animals are funnier than humans.
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Two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!” For more laughs, check out these travel cartoons that find the funny in everything.
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I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust. If this one has you smirking, these dad jokes will really give you a chuckle.
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What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
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Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the “no-bell” prize.
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Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
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What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum?
They’re both purple except for the rabbit. This joke made be bad, but these other “what’s the difference between” jokes are hilarious!
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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.” Here are some funny one-liners that are sure to get some laughs.
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I like elephants.
Everything else is irrelephant. Read more elephant jokes that are a ton of laughs!
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What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
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Two guys walk into a bar.
The third guy ducks.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta. If you thought this was funny, you’ll love these other hilarious what do you call jokes.
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Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle.
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Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An in-vest-igator.
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What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality. Thought that was good? You’ll love these tea puns!
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A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
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Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot. Don’t miss these 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
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The wedding was so beautiful.
Even the cake was in tiers.
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Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
Because they’re dead. Don’t forget to check out these dinosaur jokes for more laughs!
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Get it?
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What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
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What did the mime say to his audience?
Nothing. He held his character because he’s a professional.
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What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
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It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad.
It’s a faux pa.
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What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison!
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What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels. Here are 21 more anti-jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
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My new thesaurus is terrible.
Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.
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What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
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What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“Oops!” If biology is more your thing, check out these biology jokes that really cell themselves.
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What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80?
“Aye, matey.” Here are 21 scurvy pirate jokes ye should tell the rest o’ ye crew.
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Three fish are in a tank.
One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”
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What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear.
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What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil.
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I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
… but then I turned myself around.
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Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece. Now that’s a dad joke if we ever heard one. Here are more groan-worthy dad jokes you’ll still laugh at.
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I don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.
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Wife: “How do I look?”
Husband: “With your eyes.”
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What’s the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
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Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
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Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they usehoney combs.
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I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
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RIP, boiled water.
You will bemist.
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What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
PhillipeFloppe.
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eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
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Wannahear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke, joke,jooooooooooooooke. We can all relate to these funny working from home cartoons right now.
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I made a playlist for hiking.It has music fromPeanuts,the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
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What do you do if you see a fireman?
Put it out, man!
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That’s a pretty good ceiling.
It’s not the best, but it’s up there!
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I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually,it’s more of a wrap.
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What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear. You won’t want to miss these 20 hilarious science jokes.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s ok, he woke up.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
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Why do you never see pigs hiding in trees?
Because they’re pretty good at it.
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You want to go down to the bar to hear that band called Duvet?
They’re a cover band.
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Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.Next time there’s an uncomfortable silence at work, try these work jokes that can diffuse any awkward situation.
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What do you call a crocodile that is also a detective?
Aninvesti-gator.
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The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
…is sphere itself.
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Name one fragrance commercial that has ever made sense.
What are you talking about, they all make scents!
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Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the Ark Hives.
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Where does the sheep go to get ahaircut?
The baabaa shop.
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What genre are national anthems?
Country.
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I hate Russian dolls.
They’re so full of themselves.
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees.The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
“That’s one too many!” says the customer. The clerk replies “It’s a freebie.”
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I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
You might not believe me, but I saw it with my own eyes.
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Did you adopt your dog?
No, he’s my biological dog. Check out these other dog jokes that are pawsitively hilarious.
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I bought the newlyweds an elephant for their room.
They said, “Thank you.” Isaid, “Don’t mention it.”
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A limbo champ walks into a bar.
He loses.
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When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees
Sycamore
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
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What did the frustrated cat say?
Are you kitten me right meow? Cat hiss ridiculous.
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When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
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The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge. I bet they are excited about flattening the curve, though.
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I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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My wife just completed a 40-week bodybuilding program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7 pounds, 12 ounces. Not to throw more numbers at you, but we have 50 jokes here for all 50 states.
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Why are there so many different kinds of pasta?
If I hada pennefor every time I asked myself this question.
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What did The Rock say when the waiter offered him a box for his leftovers?
I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for it.
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Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek–a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
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Nurse: Blood type?
Dad: Red. By the way, you’ll love these nurse jokes that are RN-believably funny.
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A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, “19! 19! 19! 19!” Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence.
Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting, “20! 20! 20!” Here are the best jokes from A-Z!
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I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married.
The ceremony wasn’t great, but the reception was amazing.
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What do you call a magician who lost their magic?
Ian.
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Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
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What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saurus.
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I had a chip implanted in my body.
It was a Cool Ranch Dorito. Yum!
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Heneverlands. We love this joke because it never grows old.
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To kill a Frenchvampire,you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
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What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises! When do we want them?
NNNNNEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
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A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before.What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
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What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Phillipe Floppe. This is objectively funny, like these 9 jokes that are proven funny by research.
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Today I gave my dead batteries away.
They were free of charge.
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Why do ghosts love elevators?
It lifts their spirits.
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Five guys walk into a bar.
You think one of them would’ve seen it.
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Who are caterpillars’ biggest enemies?
Dogerpillars.
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Why do fish live in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze. Bless them. Don’t miss these 40 comedians reveal their favorite jokes ever!
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Why do you tell actors to break a leg?
Every play has a cast.
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What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz?
Cheese Was.
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Someone stole my mood ring.
I don’t know how I feel about that.
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Library patron: Do you sell any books on paranoia?
Librarian: They’re right behind you! If you’re more of a movie buff than reader, we’ve got the 15 funniest Oscar jokes for you right here.
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My favorite word is “drool.”
It just rolls off the tongue.
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What do you call birds who stick together?
Vel-crows.
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I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
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I’m terrified of elevators...
…so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them. You can also try asking Siri for a joke if you need one in a pinch. We rated virtual assistants’ senses of humor!
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Where do spaghetti and sauce go to dance?
The meatball.
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What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk. If you thought this was funny, you’ll love our other cow jokes!
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This library has two stories.
Can hardly call it a library.
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I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.
Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
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Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
The cow’s got the udder. Here are 25 Disney jokes that’ll get you a good laugh, for the moovie fans out there.
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How does your feline shop?
By reading a catalog.
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What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
Satisfactory.
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What do you call a dangerous sun shower?
A rain of terror.
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What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes?
Corny.
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What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
Its butt. Oop! Try these political jokes on for size at your next family holiday—they’re guaranteed to get you a laugh.
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What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad.
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I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.
Never again.
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Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
“Robin, get in the car.”
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I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear. Think you’re funnier than the president? We bet you are. Here are the funniest jokes told by 23 U.S. presidents.
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Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?
Because crocodooladoo is a good family name. Here are more of the funniest “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes for you to memorize.
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I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
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My friend gave me his Epi–Pen as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it. Read these best friend tweets for more laughs.
 | Want even more jokes? Enjoy 100 Years of our best jokes, stories, riddles and cartoons in the all-new, side-splitting collection, Laughter, the Best Medicine 2023. |
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Have you heard of Murphy’s Law? Ok, but have you heard of Cole’s Law?
It’s thinly-sliced cabbage.
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When you look really closely...
…all mirrors look like eyeballs. Instant classic. History buffs, try some of these jokes!
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Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but just didn’t talk about it?
John 12:49: “For I did not speak of my own accord.”
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How do you talk to Italian ghosts?
With a Luigi board.
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Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana. Don’t forget to bookmark these fruit puns that are berry funny!
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Two cows are grazing in a field. One says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?”
The other cow says, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter.”
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What’s E.T. short for?
He’s only got little legs. Science lovers will science-love these physics jokes!
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Two men meet on opposites sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me to get to the other side!”
The other guy shouts, “You are on the other side!”
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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
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What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Safety. Safety always comes first. In the case of these hilarious egg puns, the egg always comes first.
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This is your captain speaking.
AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
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How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut. Here are 15 witty bar jokes anyone can remember, for the next time you wanna go a little nuts yourself.
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Coroner died.
Still went to work. If you thought that was funny, you’ll love these work from home jokes.
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Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?
Mount Rushmore.
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I bought a dog from a locksmith.
The second I got him in the house he made a bolt for the door.
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What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
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Have you heard the one about the jump rope?
Never mind, skip it. Check out these 20 food jokes anyone will find funny.
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My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
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What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
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What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.
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What did the swordfish say to the marlin?
You’re lookin’ sharp.
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What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you’re probably a genius.
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Where can you buy soup in bulk?
The stock market.
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How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
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What was the frog’s job at the hotel?
Bellhop.
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Why are the Irish so wealthy?
Their capital is Dublin.
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What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?
A receding hare line.
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What kind of shoes do robbers wear?
Sneakers.
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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
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Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
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What do you call banana peel shoes?
Slippers.
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Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie. Cheese is classic joke fodder. Here are 17 classic light bulb jokes that’ll make you sound smart.
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Why were they called the Dark Ages?
There were lots of knights. If you have more of a twisted sense of humor, these dark jokes are for you.
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My boss just texted me,
“Send me one of your funny jokes!”
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Want to hear a roof joke?
This one’s on the house.
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What kind of pants does Mario wear?
Denim, denim, denim.
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Where does the general keep his armies?
In his sleevies. This joke is very cuties. Here are 9 secrets to telling a great joke, according to comedians.
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How does the squid go into battle?
Well-armed.
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I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I’m ok.
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Do you use your right hand to stir your coffee?
I use a spoon. Check out these relatable tweets for more laughs.
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You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example. By the way, we’re serving up these ice cream puns just for you—check them out!
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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name. Here are 15 simple (and silly) April Fool’s jokes to play on your kids.
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What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.
Sources:
- Buzzfeed, “21 Clean Jokes That Are So Dumb They’re Actually Funny”
- Buzzfeed, “21 Dad Jokes So Ridiculous, I’m Almost Mad At Myself For Laughing”
- Buzzfeed, “18 Punny Jokes That Have No Right To Be As Hilarious As They Are”
- Buzzfeed, “100 Dad Jokes You’re Going To Hate Laughing At So Hard”
- Buzzfeed, “If You’re Tired Of The Same Old Dad Jokes, Here Are 19 Very Funny New Ones”
- Buzzfeed, “23 Dad Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Good”
- Buzzfeed, “Sorry, But There’s No Way You Won’t At Least Smile At Any Of These Dad Jokes”
- Buzzfeed, “25 Jokes And Puns From National Tell A Joke Day That Might Make You Roll Your Eyes”
- Buzzfeed, “13 Absolutely Hilarious Jokes Told In Movies”
- Buzzfeed, “Every Weird And Awkward Person Will Find These 17 Tweets Hilarious For No Particular Reason”
- Buzzfeed, “Reddit Is Sharing Their Best Jokes, Here Are 17 Really Funny Ones”
- Buzzfeed, “17 Dad Jokes That Made Me Groan, Roll My Eyes, And Then Repeat To My Friends”
- Buzzfeed, “18 Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Even If You’re Having A Bad Day”
- Buzzfeed, “27 Clean Jokes To Tell Your Kids That Are Actually Funny”
- Buzzfeed, “19 Twitter Jokes That Are Just Very, Very Funny”
- Buzzfeed, “We All Love Dad Jokes — But How Many Of The Punchlines Do You Actually Know?”
- Best Life, “150 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny”
- Bored Panda, “52 Of The Funniest Two-Line Jokes Ever”
- Reddit, “What’s a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?”
- Best Life, “40 Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At”
- Parade, “Ha Ha Ha—101 Corny Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny Good”
- Fatherly, “55 Great Clean Jokes for Funny People Who Don’t Swear”
Originally Published: January 19, 2022
Author
Caroline Fanning
Caroline joinedReader’s Digestas an editorial intern in 2017 and has since risen through the ranks to editor. The RD List, "We Found a Fix" column and "Nicest Places in America" series are her dearest darlings. There is someone walking around Washington State with one of her stories tattooed on their bicep—her crowning achievement. She grad...
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